This Mother’s Day, I Will Take Time To Just Be…..

Sometimes life just happens, everything appears to be well then sometimes, when you least expect it, you’re completely blindsided, socked in the face, heart left so heavy it literally feels it will burst right out of your chest, tense body, frozen in your steps, draining every bit of hope, wishing you could trade places and carry the weight of the burdens — not your precious child.

 

I mean that’s our job as mama is to fix and kiss all the booboo’s. A simple kiss was once enough. It was not just enough but THE ONLY cure to the pain. At the instant touch of her lips, the tears stop and suddenly back to playing is all that matters anymore. For ailments requiring more than a peck and bandaid, mama’s touch was still the best medicine – running her fingers through your hair, scratching your back and arm, her touch always made the difference. For the fears, mama’s voice was always the remedy to ease them away – singing “You Are My Sunshine” – I can still hear my mama sing it. As I grew, it changed from her sweet solo to us harmonizing together. No other song brings such joy and sorrow to my heart.

 

Gone are the days where mama can make it all better with a simple kiss. Things got real for this mama this last week. Day in and day out, we just get so caught up in the routine of “what we need to do’s”… that the most important little things somehow fall through the cracks, going unnoticed…

 

Now I’m trying to find my new “kiss” so to speak…….

 

This week started in the Emergency Room with my baby (yes she is 16 years old now, she is still my baby and always will be!) For 18 hours, the hour hand of the clock on the wall continued to go round and round while my entire world came to a complete stand still. I did not eat, or shut my eyes but to blink and with the exception of one potty break, by her bedside is where I was frozen, sitting, crying, praying and monitoring her breathing.

 

Through the tears I clung on to every sweet breath like it were her very first all over again. Coincidence here, we were in this very same hospital that January day in 2001 and after only 18 hours of labor and delivery she took her first breath… the scary unknown though, was that the very life line from me to her, the umbilical chord, was wrapped around her neck. As she was being delivered, the very life I supplied to my baby was strangling that dear life from her. With that final push, it was realized and like the most beautiful choreographed dance, the doctor gently twirled her to simply unwrap the chord from her neck. It was handled so calmly and quickly that I had no idea at the time… This time around in the hospital though, different reasons brought us back, still the frightful reality of the unknown, remains the same. Monitoring each breath, is what I vowed to do even before that January morning in 2001, and I don’t plan on stopping. Ever.

 

Things have been different since. Not really, but with me they have. I’ve thought of how I handle my own frustrations, disappointment, anxieties… if we’re being honest here, I wouldn’t want to be graded on it. I’d flunk that miserably. I don’t handle my own stresses wisely. I let myself get overwhelmed and frustrated. I am even guilty of unloading them all on to my husband, when he gets home expecting him to fix me somehow. Yea, this night I have found so much to be grateful for and even more that I need to work on within myself.. being more aware, listening more, smiling more, encouraging much more, laughing, singing, praying .. more and more and then even some more.

 

Tonight, we’ve only been home from the hospital for two days. The house is quiet as everyone’s already tucked away in their beds, I read of the real horror brought to reality for another parent in our community. A 14 year old girl for whatever reason felt that harming herself was the only way out. She succeeded in taking her precious just beginning innocent young life. This happening only a week after a 17 year old girl committed suicide, yes, here in the very same county we reside. And I’m over here, like “hey I know of another attempt”. Dear Jesus, be with our kids! My heart and my head ache tremendously for these grieving families. I grieve with them. No mama should have to carry the burden of laying her child to rest. God, I thank you for today. I thank you for every breath of life that you give. I will consciously think about every word and every action in this day and from this day forward.

 

So this next morning as we carry out our “normal” daily routine.. A few changes were integrated. We woke up earlier than normal, we left the house earlier and I drove a little slower. It’s all about the time. Taking the time God blesses us with and making more of it. Not cramming more things to do, but having more time to just be, to listen, and just be. Thank you God for this day.

 

“That breath that you just took… that’s a gift.”

 

In my daughter’s eyes,
I am a hero,
I am strong and wise,
And I know no fear,
But the truth is plain to see,
She was sent to rescue me,
I see who I want to be,
In my daughter’s eyes

In my daughter’s eyes, 
Everyone is equal,
Darkness turns to light,
And the world is at peace,
This miracle God gave to me,
Gives me strength when I am weak,
I find reason to believe,
In my daughter’s eyes

And when she wraps her hand around my finger,
How it puts a smile in my heart,
Everything becomes a little clearer,
I realize what life is all about,
It’s hanging on when your heart has had enough,
It’s giving more when you feel like giving up,
I’ve seen the light,
It’s in my daughter’s eyes

In my daughter’s eyes,
I can see the future,
A reflection of who I am and what will be,
And though she’ll grow and someday leave,
Maybe raise a family,
When I’m gone I hope you’ll see,
How happy she made me,
For I’ll be there,
In my daughter’s eyes

Song performed by Martina McBride
Songwriters: James T. Slater
In My Daughter’s Eyes lyrics © Reservoir One Music, Reservoir Media Management Inc

 

She is clothed in strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. (Proverbs 31:25)

 

You’re not alone. Confidential help is available for free. Available 24 hours everyday.                          For the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – Call 1-800-273-8255 or online chat is available at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

 

 

Written by Rebecca Anandan

Rebecca Anandan is a Stay At Home Mom of two teens, one tween, one toddler, eleven leghorn hens, one fat cat and with one pretty incredible husband that is the anchor of it all. They're planted in the one place she’s always called home in Anderson, South Carolina. With sixteen years under her belt as a mama, fourteen of them were spent in the workforce. For four years she was a personal weight trainer and dietitian and ten years were spent sitting behind a computer desk of a government office. Now, two years and two months into staying home, she is finally able to live the life she always dreamed of, balancing the blessings and the struggles, equally the same. With God’s guidance and her husband’s assistance, together they are raising hardworking and compassionate young men of chivalry and a young lady of grace. She dabbles in essential oils, trusts strongly in homeopathy, organic farming and clean eating to handle the family’s severe allergies. As a writer by day and a reader by night she is here to learn as well as to offer encouragement and assistance on to other mama’s.

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